Happy Birthday, You're Leaving in 10 Days!

Yesterday was the day that I officially have lived 20 years of life. Statistically speaking, I am a quarter of the way into my life. I could be wrong, I could have past the quarter mark a long time ago or I could have a lot longer until that mark. However, I'm sticking to the statistics and the Big Guys say, I've got three quarters of my life still to live.

So that's why I have to start now!!! Which is one of the reasons why I am leaving the country. Now that I think about it, I've had a lot of people ask me why I decided to go to China.

It started when I was a kid. Yeah, it took me like twenty years to finally decide to go. But when I was a kid, I wanted to serve a mission. And I wanted to be [one of] the first missionar[ies] in China. And I was determined. My whole life I prepared to serve a mission. I did my Personal Progress and read the Book of Mormon constantly. I prayed to gain a testimony about everything the gospel has to offer and always strived my best to not have any regrets. When I finally graduated high school, I knew my time was about to come. It was just around the corner. In a year, I could leave and serve a mission!! I decided I should be a good girl and pray about it like you should do, expecting the answer to be a definite YES (I mean, how could Heavenly Father say no to a mission? I'm perfect for it!) and what I got instead was a gentle, but firm, no.

I couldn't believe it. My whole life I had wanted to serve a mission and suddenly the answer is NO? I mean, I'm not dating anyone. I don't think I'll end up dating anyone, I'm only eighteen. And still. The answer was no.

At first I thought I must have gotten in wrong. No to a mission? I fasted about it. I prayed about it. I fasted and prayed some more about it. And the answer was not only still a no, but it was a little exhasperated no.

That was it.

I'm not going on a mission.

My whole dreams were crushed in a million pieces. The plan for my life, completely ruined. My hope was gone and I was terrified to face the world now.

But what I didn't know that if I had gone on a mission, I wouldn't have met some of the most wonderful, influential people I have ever met in my entire life. I would not be a year away from graduating college with a Bachelor's degree in Art History, and only twenty years old. I would not be the person I am today without the experiences, painful and wonderful at the same time, that I had experienced. I mean, today I understand exactly why I wasn't supposed to go on a mission. At least, not the mission with the black name tag Heavenly Father sends everyone else to do.

In September of 2014, I recieved a flyer in the mail to travel to China and teach English. It was a handout for China Horizons, a company, though questionable at first, a company I have learned to trust. I don't know why I thought it was a good idea, I had gotten that flyer several times before and thought nothing of it, but this time I stopped and reconsidered.

"I mean, why not? I have a job. Eventually I should be able to save up enough money to go. I'm sure my parents will help too, it's just a different kind of mission."

I did my research, just to make sure this company wasn't some joke or whatever, and discovered that not only was it cheaper, but it also provided more. When I discovered why that made it different from ILP, another foreign English teaching program, I knew what I was going to do. Well, what I wanted to do.

I started talking with one of my old roommates (one that I wouldn't have met if I had gone on a mission) and she said that she was thinking about it too. Well that was enough to convince, my mom, her, and I that we should do this. We needed to experience the world and everything was going to be amazing! It was going to be her and I and we were going to have the most wonderful adventures ever!!!

...well, that was until the most wonderful man in her world appeared in a parking lot and swept her off her feet.

And for your information, they were married in May, I was one of her bridesmaids, and I love both of them to death. As much as it was disappointing to know that I wasn't going to be going with anyone that I knew, I knew the Lord wouldn't have it any other way and I am so extremely happy for those two, they are an adorable married couple.

But knowing that she wasn't going anymore made me waver a bit. Was I really going to go to China now? All by myself?

I was working General Conference, which requires setting up the projector and hooking up the TV or the internet to the projector, therefore broadcasting the broadcast on a large screen in a chapel where people who don't want to sit at home in their pajamas eating snacks in comfy blankets on comfy couches could come and sit on cold hard benches in uncomfortable clothes, and listen to General Conference. All fine and dandy for them, but I prefer to be the first. But I was working that General Conference and Jeffrey R. Holland got up (my favorite speaker, he just gets me) and although I don't remember a darn thing about the talk itself I do remember the feeling I got and I knew that I needed to go to China. There wasn't a doubt in my mind that I was supposed to go.

Of course, there was the matter of money and convincing my parents that China needed me.

My mom was all for me going to China. My dad was furious.

He gave me a whole list of reasons why going to China was a terrible idea and why I shouldn't do it. It hurt me but I knew that I needed to go, and though I wavered, I stood strong. Eventually, everything that my dad had been worrying about slowly got checked off until there was nothing left.

So yes, eventually my dad ended up being okay with me going to China.

But for me personally? Why am I going?

My whole life, I have lived in the same general area. I don't remember much else but Rexburg. I love Rexburg, but I need something different. I yearn to see and experience other parts of this world. That's why I chose the career path that I chose. I don't want to be stuck in some office somewhere, I want to be out in the field, meeting amazing people, getting my hands dirty, personally interacting with real history, rather than just reading about it in books. Going to China, I am going to get the chance to do that!

I also need to learn independence. Because my family still lives in the same area that I go to college, I still depend on my family a lot. I'm an adult now! For heaven's sake, I need to learn what it's like to do laundry not at my parents house. To not have somewhere to go on Sundays for dinner. To not depend on my parents for everything. I am growing up, and both me and my parents need to learn that.

If there's something that I am a terrible at, it is teaching. I never know what to say! I hate getting up in front of people and talking. I tried to get over that fear while I was in high school by joining speech and debate but honestly, it didn't do me much good. I need to learn how to get up and talk for forty five minutes about how to say the word "Green." Yep. That's what I am going to do. I have to have a back up plan for when my lesson goes too short or too long. Improvise something! I have a tendancy to plan ahead with everything and teaching is all about planning ahead but ending up with improve. A perfect way to get over that fear.

While the list could go on, I don't want to bore you to death, but the big picture is that China is going to change me. For the better. And I'm so excited to discover the new Brindizi that is going to be stepping off that plane in California in December. I can't wait to feel the pain and happiness that I am going to be feeling. Heavenly Father has a lot in store for me in China and I am so excited to see exactly what that is.

I already know for a fact that there is going to be a lot of people that I am going to miss.

And if you're reading this and I have no way to communicate while I am in China (because it is a true struggle with the internet and "the Great Firewall of China.") I do want to say one big blanket thing.

I love you.

Yes I freaking love you.

Even if we were just in a class together. Even if I passed you on the street on my way to Art 307 every Tuesday and Thursday. Even if I haven't talked to you in years since high school. Even if I haven't exactly been on good terms with you. For goodness sake, I love you!

Sometimes I make mistakes. Sometimes I'm not the best at expressing what I'm feeling, I'm going to China to try and figure out if I can fix that or if it's a permanent dent in my hood. Sometimes I say things that I don't really mean. Sometimes I could be a little bit nicer, a little more supportive. Sometimes I could have been a little more open with you. I apologize. I am truly truly sorry.

But every single one of you has impacted my life.

For my family, you are the reason that I am the person I am today. You put me through hard things because you know that I'm strong enough to go through them. You love me even though I'm annoying and frustrating. You put up with me and you make me a better person. And I appreciate that. Even if it doesnt always seems like I do, I sincerly, truly do.

For my friends, I seriously don't understand how you could look at a girl like me and see the girl that you do, and I am forever thankful for helping me see that girl. You've loved me and shown me exactly the kind of person that I am and made me realize that I am more wonderful and talanted than I thought I was. You believe in me, you're all my little cheerleaders on the sidelines. I certainly hope you know that I am cheering for you every step of the way.

For the acquaintances in my life, believe it or not, you've helped immensely. I watch what you do, how you react to certain situations, how you dress, how you smile, how you love. Granted, for most of you I don't even remember your name. But I remember your face and I admire that you can put a smile on your face and get up and get dressed every single day and face the world. Cuz sometimes, it's hard. And you really don't want to do that. but you do. And that's amazing. Stay strong and I certainly love you.

For the humorous, this will be fun. ;) For the guy's who went on dates with me: thanks for asking a shy but stubborn girl who was so determined to never fall in love but you still tried. I mean, even if it was just a friend date, seriously, I still appreciated that you worked up the nerve to come talk to the girl I prevously mentioned and give her a chance to know what good dates are supposed to be like. For the girls who stole my crushes' hearts away: take good care of them. I've admired them from afar and wouldn't trust them with anyone else but the best (so you better be the best). And if I later decide that I didn't care about the boy, have fun. I assume that I have decided that he was a jerk face. For the people at fast food restaurants that make such delicious food in such a quick time: Thank you. I love you. Sometimes you just need a whopper. Or french fries. And you understand. And finally, for potatoes: It wouldn't be fitting if an Idaho girl didn't say something about potatoes. Because I swear, I will miss you so much in every form you can possibly exist in. Noodles and rice can be fun and exciting, but potatoes, my heart will always belong to you.

If you want to talk to me while I am in China: I promise, I will talk to anyone. Send me a message on WeChat or Skype or email, whatever it be (with your name....I would like to know who you are or else I may not respond) and I would love to talk to you about anything. Seriously. Just do it.

My dears, you have no idea how much you mean to me and how much I will miss you. I hope the best in your life and that I will find a way to communicate while I am in China. And that this blog will work or else I am going to be disappointed.

Life is good! Learn to love what you've got and hold on to the best of it!